JoinWhim https://www.joinwhim.com Wed, 08 Jul 2020 11:16:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.3.4 10 Secret Keys to Successful Dating Goal Setting in 2020 https://www.joinwhim.com/index.php/2020/07/08/10-keys-dating-goal-in-2020/ https://www.joinwhim.com/index.php/2020/07/08/10-keys-dating-goal-in-2020/#respond Wed, 08 Jul 2020 10:57:42 +0000 https://www.joinwhim.com/?p=37 Throughout the years dating goals have completely changed. Dating goals in the year 1920 was simply to look for a partner. In 2020, having an “Instagram perfect lifestyle” is often considered a relationship goal. But will having a picture-perfect looking relationship actually add value to your life? Most likely not. 

To answer this question, it is important to find out what a true dating goal for couples is in 2020. Setting your expectations high, and including love, respect, and value on your list of couple goals are a great start to making a relationship goals checklist in 2020.

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1. Stop looking for someone

If you are currently not in a relationship but wish you were in one, then your first dating goal in 2020 should be to stop looking for a relationship! Instead, work on yourself, and let the relationship find you. 

If you are always looking for someone else, then a few situations might occur. The first is that you might seem desperate. The second is that you won’t be focusing on being the best person you can be. Put yourself first, and allow a possible partner to be received into your life.

2. You add to each other’s life

One of the main goals for a healthy relationship is to be with someone who adds to your life. You should both be bringing positive attitudes into your relationship. 

If you feel like the relationship is one-sided and you are the only person bringing something to your pair, then you most likely have a problem.

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3. You can joke around, but also be serious

Having a relationship where you can joke around with each other is so important. Fun and games, laughing, and making jokes is much needed in a relationship goals checklist. Despite this, you also need to be able to be serious together as well. 

In life, there will be many ups and downs, and the way you handle them is what will dictate the success of your relationship.

4. Have similar end goals

You might get along perfectly well in day to day life, but if you do not have the same end goals then things just won’t work out. Setting relationship goals such as marriage and children, or even the opposite of being a couple without children, is necessary for a relationship.

By setting these goals together at the start of your relationship will allow you to avoid being surprised and getting hurt a few years down the road. 

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5. Be respectful of each other’s time

When you first start dating it can be easy to spend all your time together. One goal that should be on your list of relationship goals is to maintain your own time outside of the relationship.

Whether this means keeping up with your hobbies, setting time aside for friends, or even just alone time, it is important that you and your partner respect that time. 

Another way that your partner might respect your time is by responding to you quickly and never leaving you waiting. This means that they value your time, and you should do the same.

6. Have shared interests

Having shared interests should be on your list of girlfriend and boyfriend goals. Whether this is a love of the same style of food, enjoying walking in the park, or love of soccer, this can bring you together as a couple. 

Although you do not need to participate in the same exact hobbies as your significant other, finding small things that you can enjoy together is important. You might even start a new hobby together! This will allow you to grow and change as a couple.

7. Embrace your independence

Sometimes couples goals are individual goals as well. Embracing your independence in a relationship is one of those goals. You and your partner should support one another and allow for space. This way you can truly grow as individual people as well. 

8. Go on experimental dates

Rather than grabbing a drink, or going to dinner, there are other and more exciting dates you can participate in. This might include a cooking class, going wine tasting, a food tour, or even something like taking a tennis lesson together. 

Also, a great reminder is that dates do not always need to be expensive and extraordinary. Dates can be doing chores together or going food shopping. As long as you are spending time having fun together, you are fulfilling date goals. 

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9. Shared values

Even if you have nothing in common with the person you are dating, the most important dating goals you can have is to have the same values. Values are basically the beliefs that you believe in without a doubt. This includes morals, religion, and family values. 

If you are planning to spend forever with someone, then the ultimate couple goals are to share the same values.

10. Stay loyal

For many couples, part of their couples relationship goals is to be in a monogamous relationship. This is not the case for every couple, but there is one aspect of this that should be incorporated in your future relationship goals and that is being loyal.

Loyalty means different things to different couples, but typically it means not lying to one another. Whether that means not cheating, or simply always being transparent, this is not always easy for everyone. If you are able to stay loyal, it will end up with your relationship being stronger in the end. 

Relationship goal setting

Goals are important in a relationship because they allow you to have something to reach towards. Whether that means setting goals on your own while you wait for a partner, setting goals with a new partner, or even in an older relationship, it is an important aspect of a healthy relationship. 

Sometimes setting goals might require some sacrifice and work, but in the end, it will strengthen the chance for success and the quality of your relationship.

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Best Cheap And Fun College Dating Ideas In 2020 https://www.joinwhim.com/index.php/2020/06/30/best-cheap-and-fun-college-dating-ideas-2020/ https://www.joinwhim.com/index.php/2020/06/30/best-cheap-and-fun-college-dating-ideas-2020/#respond Tue, 30 Jun 2020 04:55:38 +0000 https://www.joinwhim.com/?p=25 Dating in college can be very exciting. Not only are you finally an adult, but you might also be living away from home for the first time.

Compared to when your parents began dating in college, dating has completely changed. Now you will not only have the opportunity to meet potential dates in your classes, but you also have the option to use dating apps!

Whether you are looking for college dating ideas that are different from “Netflix and Chill” or you simply need a bit of information before your begin dating, here are a few tips that every student should know before going on a college date in 2020. 

1. Wait until the second month of college to get into a relationship

Try not to jump into a relationship right away when you get to college. It is always a great idea to wait at least a couple of months. This way you can meet many different people and focus on yourself. After the first few month’s you can begin focusing more on other people who you might want to make your official significant other.

2. Some people want to hook up with you, but may not want to date you

The unfortunate truth is that in college some people may want to kiss you, but that does not mean they want to date you.

College might be the first time that you encounter people who are specifically looking to hook up, but not date. This does not mean they don’t like you, but they may not be emotionally available for more. 

Be aware of this, and if you are looking for more, you should have a conversation about it to avoid getting hurt.

3. Your education always comes first

It might seem appealing to avoid studying in order to go on a date, but this is not the right choice! If your partner or potential date is asking you to avoid your classwork or classes in order to spend time with them, then they are probably not the best partner. 

Always prioritize your education because if you don’t, then you may not be able to stick around in college as long as you hoped for.

4. Many college students are on low budgets

You may come to find that many of the individuals that you are dating are on low budgets. This is very common with college students, so you should try to think of cheap date ideas for college students. Also, try to understand that you may end up splitting bills rather than having one person pay for the entire bill.

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5. You do not have to date in college

Sometimes the best way you can know how to date in college is to not date at all. Just because you are meeting people that you are enjoying spending time with does not mean that you have to commit yourself. 

You have your entire life to have relationships, if you would rather only have casual dates (or not date at all) in college, then you should do that. 

6. First date ideas for college students

  • Study together and get your schoolwork finished while on a date
  • Have a movie marathon such as the entire “Harry Potter” or “Lord of the Rings” series
  • Go to the gym together
  • Cook at home together rather than spend money going out
  • Go stargazing
  • Play a sports game outside such as soccer or basketball
  • Make tie-dye t-shirts
  • Go to the dining hall together for dinner

7. If you plan to be sexually active on your dates, be safe

Hooking up on dates is a common part of college life. Typically college campuses offer sexual resources in the health center. If you do plan to be sexually active, be safe, use protection, and get tested often. 

8. Your date does not have to be complicated

Sometimes coming up with college first date ideas can be tricky. Try to relax, and let your dates flow naturally. Participate in daily activities together while getting to know one another. 

9. Do more than “Netflix and Chill”

Although many people talk about the classic “Netflix and Chill” date, try to leave this for further into your relationship. You will not learn anything about your date during these types of events, and it is best to save it for when you already know each other. 

10. Use your student ID for discounts

Many date ideas for college students can include using your student ID. Your student ID can help you get into museums, sporting events, or even discounts on restaurants like Qdoba, Subway, and McDonald’s.

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11. Ask each other questions

It is very important to get to know the person you are dating. One way to do this is by creating a list of 20 questions, sitting down together, and asking each other these questions one by one. Although this is not one of your standard first date ideas college is about new experiences. 

12. Go to an arcade

Save some of your coins and go to an arcade to battle it out. This will not only be a great time, but you will also see how they handle winning or losing. 

13. Picnik in the park

As a great low-cost date option, take a blanket and some food to the park. You can enjoy the outdoors for a day while enjoying your date’s company and truly getting to know one another. 

14. Go to a drive-in theatre and watch the same movie twice

Drive-in movie theatres are great for dating in college because you are allowed to stay as long as you want! This means you can watch the movie first, and then joke around, talk, or discuss other topics during the second time around. 

15. Go “thrifting” at second-hand stores

Rather than just go shopping at a thrift store, you can each take $5-$10 and pick out an outfit for the other person. 

You can also make it a competition. Whoever picks out a better outfit for the other person…that other person has to wear their funky outfit for the rest of the day.

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16. Celebrate Halloween together

Celebrating holidays is always a great time, but even more fun in college. Most college students go all in and dress up for Halloween. Visiting a Halloween party with your date, carving pumpkins, or making your costumes together are all great college date ideas.

17. It is ok if you break up with your high school significant other

If you plan to go to college with a significant other, be aware that you might end up breaking up. This is ok. This will also give you the opportunity to grow and go on other dates with new people.

18. Watch a school sporting event

Many school sporting events, like a swim meet or soccer game, are free for college students to attend. This can be a great way to celebrate your school spirit. 

If you are interested in going to a football game this will typically cost money, but student tickets tend to be cheaper, and it is something you must experience at least once during college.

19. Enjoy a hike or other nature

The outdoors are usually free to experience so this is a perfect date for college students. Find a trail, throw on your sneakers or hiking shoes, and enjoy the outdoors together. 

20. Watch a sunrise after pulling an all-nighter studying

In college, you will spend your fair share of times staying up all night, hyped up on caffeine, in order to study for an exam or finish a paper. Since you will be up anyway, have your date meet you to watch the sunrise together. College dates ideas like this are ones that will truly be remembered for the rest of your life.

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Don’t take dating in college too seriously

College won’t last forever, and for most people, it lasts around four years. Try to enjoy the time you have to date in college, but don’t take it too seriously and make things complicated. Spend time with new friends, make the most out of cheap college dates, and above all be true to yourself.

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Love is Complicated: It is Easy and it is Difficult https://www.joinwhim.com/index.php/2020/06/30/why-is-love-so-complicated/ https://www.joinwhim.com/index.php/2020/06/30/why-is-love-so-complicated/#respond Tue, 30 Jun 2020 04:28:00 +0000 https://www.joinwhim.com/?p=15 Let’s get straight to the point here: you’ve been in a relationship for quite some time now and you’re starting to hit some bumps on the road.

At this point, you’re probably looking for answers on what qualities do healthy dating relationships have to keep your relationship afloat or just plainly confused and unsure about what’s going on, and why is love so complicated?

Relationships at the beginning are fun, quirky, mysterious, interesting, and is usually easy. You don’t frequently get into arguments at this phase and you don’t get easily irritated or turned off as you get to know your partner deeper.

But sooner or later, you’ll have disagreements and small misunderstandings, that, if not treated right, could lead to consequences such as breaking up. Fortunately, you can steer away from breakups if you understand what love really is and why is it so complicated.

Why is Love so Complicated?

Love is defined so many times by writers, artists, philosophers, and self-proclaimed professionals. And it is also expressed in paintings, songs, theatrical plays, and movies. But most of them contradict each other’s conclusions.

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Some had a happy ending while others were sad. A handful of them was miserable while a few were left hanging. It’s just plainly complicated enough to actually come up with a singular answer.

But why is love so complicated? What’s the science behind love and how does it work?

The Psychology Behind Love and Romance

According to Biological Anthropologist, Helen Fisher, Ph.D., we all have these “chemical families” that are associated with dopamine, serotonin, testosterone, and estrogen. And that we choose people with chemicals that complement our own.

This explains why people often ask their friends “why him/her?” when they don’t find the person attractive in any way at all. In another example, these chemical reactions are also responsible for how a person with high estrogen is mainly attracted only to people with high-testosterone.

However, that’s not the only thing that’s responsible for how we choose partners as psychology plays a role, too. As we grow, we develop a “love map”, that is inspired by your father’s sense of humor or your mother’s affection.

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When meeting a potential partner, we consciously and unconsciously refer to the “love map” to determine if the person is right for us. And in most cases, we can do all these in “less than three minutes”, according to Fisher.

Moreover, Fisher also specified that before you genuinely fall in love, you’ll have to go through the three stages of falling in love:

  1. Lust – driven by testosterone (in men) and estrogen (in women) where you feel physically attracted to the person in a sexual way.
  2. Attraction dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin are the 3 hormones that will keep you excited, motivated, energetic, and borderline obsessive. 
  3. Attachment – during this phase, the level of dopamine starts to go down as it’s being replaced by hormones vasopressin and oxytocin. These hormones are responsible for creating a desire to bind, nurture, and affiliate with the person you’re dating with/interested in.

But that’s just one thing as people also gauge how attractive a person is by their smell. According to Martie Haselton, Ph.D., with the communication studies and psychology departments at the University of California, Los Angeles.

She has been studying major histocompatibility complex or MHC, a set of genes involved in immunity that she believes to play a role in mating by way of smell. “People rate the body odors of people with MHC genes dissimilar from their own as more attractive.

Since it’s chemical, would it be possible to take control of the variables to make love predictable, less complicated? Researchers have thought about it and believe that you’ll be able to keep love less complicated and alive by:

  • Constantly get in touch with each other, literally. Touching is closely related to the production of oxytocin, which is sometimes referred to as the hormone of love. Any kind of touching such as holding hands, playing footsie and others, can help promote the production of oxytocin.
  • Discover new things regularly. Doing new things together can help sustain romantic love. New things excite you and drive up dopamine in the brain. Every once in a while, do things both of you have never done before or go out without any itinerary.
  • Keep the action going. Having sex is a vital part for a relationship to last. If you’ve lost touch, you’ve got to work on getting back on track even if it means having to undergo counseling.

How Emotions Can Potentially Complicate Love

Emotion plays an important role in how we react to things. This also is what pushes us to do things and even influence the way we make decisions in our lives. But to completely understand how emotions make love complicated, let’s look at the three parts of emotion:

  1. Subjective component. This is how you personally experience emotions such as “anger”, “sad”, “happy”, or “love” hence, subjective. But in the case of love, it could go from mild annoyance to blinding love.

Because we don’t experience this every time, or that it’s usually mixed with other emotions, is what makes things complicated.

  1. Physiological component. This is how your physical body or reflexes react when you’re feeling something. A good example is when you feel your heart palpitate faster when you see someone you really care or love. Another example would be how you sweat profusely when you’re afraid.
  1. Expressive component. The third part of emotion is how you follow-through. After processing the first two parts, the actual expression of emotion follows. Body language also plays along with how you express said emotions. How you behave when you’re around someone special is usually very obvious to the trained eye no matter how hard you try to mask it.

The word “emotions” and “moods” are used interchangeably. But there are certain distinctions between the two, according to psychologists.

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You see, emotions usually are short-lived, but are intense. And most of the time, you can almost always identify the case. On the other hand, the mood is much milder than emotions but are longer-lasting. Furthermore, the cause of the mood is harder to identify and can leave you gloomy, or unusually happy for days.

Emotions itself is simply a representation of how you feel toward someone. But when mixed with emotions, things can get really complicated. Is there something we can do about it? Absolutely. Let’s cover that in detail below.

What Can We Do To Solve The Problem Of A “Complicated” Love/Relationship?

Needless to say, there are professional marriage counselors and therapists you can reach out to.

But there also are tips online you can use to your advantage. To learn more about it in detail, you can head over to our good relationship standards article, where we cover the bits and pieces of how to keep your dating relationship healthy. Or you can also check our tips on how long should you date to make a relationship official article.

If you want to know the essential things that will help solve problems of a complicated relationship, make sure you have the following running between you and the person you are in a relationship with:

  • Communication
  • Intimacy
  • Physical connection
  • Trust
  • Respect
  • Love

But in all honesty, being open to communicating is the key to solve the problems. Because more often than not, communication keeps small complications from going out of hand.


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